Yes, it's true.
I did fall out of the bed about 2:30am Wednesday morning. Thanks for telling everybody Sommer! There will be no further need for any family or people at Sommer's office to send me any more text messages asking me if I'm OK or if I need a seat belt for the bed or if I might be safer sleeping in a low laying cot. I did suffer an injury FYI and have a little bruise in my wrist where it hit the night stand next to the bed. I will recover.
SOoooo....since Sommer is in such a sharing mood I'd like to share a little information about Sommer.
The reason I fell out of bed is because Sommer has stolen all the pillows from the bed! She has no consideration for my comfort. She refers to her 5 pillows affectionately as "The Set-up" and as she arranges all the pillows into the necessary shaped pile for sleeping she says, "It's too bad you don't have this sweet set-up". If I get close to her at night she hits me with a pillow and calls me "Bed'Qaeda" or "Osama Bed Laden" and reminds me to stay on my section. Now, my "section" and my "side" are not the same. Most men get their "side" of the bed, implying an equal portion divided down the middle. I, on the other hand, get a "section". My section is not even of equal sizes at the top and the bottom. It's shaped more like a the blade of a knife. It is straight on the bed edge side and bowed in with a point at my feet and a point at my head, kinda like a crescent. My feet and head have to stay in the same space all night, but I have a slight bowing area for bending my back a little while I sleep. I didn't used to get the bowing section but Sommer said I didn't clean good enough when my back was stiff so she gave me the extra 17 degrees. The night I fell out of bed I was confused because Sommer had asked that I turn around and sleep with my head facing the foot board as she was "tired of listening to me breath." So at 2:30 in the morning I started to bow my back out so it wouldn't be sore in the morning for cooking Sommers breakfast, and as I was facing the other side of the bed when I bowed I dropped from the bed and crashed into the night stand. This woke Sommer up which made her very unhappy. Because of the noise and my fall, I had to spend the rest of the early morning (by Sommers orders) knitting little corner covers out of yarn to put on the corners of all things sharp.
SOoooo....since Sommer is in such a sharing mood I'd like to share a little information about Sommer.
The reason I fell out of bed is because Sommer has stolen all the pillows from the bed! She has no consideration for my comfort. She refers to her 5 pillows affectionately as "The Set-up" and as she arranges all the pillows into the necessary shaped pile for sleeping she says, "It's too bad you don't have this sweet set-up". If I get close to her at night she hits me with a pillow and calls me "Bed'Qaeda" or "Osama Bed Laden" and reminds me to stay on my section. Now, my "section" and my "side" are not the same. Most men get their "side" of the bed, implying an equal portion divided down the middle. I, on the other hand, get a "section". My section is not even of equal sizes at the top and the bottom. It's shaped more like a the blade of a knife. It is straight on the bed edge side and bowed in with a point at my feet and a point at my head, kinda like a crescent. My feet and head have to stay in the same space all night, but I have a slight bowing area for bending my back a little while I sleep. I didn't used to get the bowing section but Sommer said I didn't clean good enough when my back was stiff so she gave me the extra 17 degrees. The night I fell out of bed I was confused because Sommer had asked that I turn around and sleep with my head facing the foot board as she was "tired of listening to me breath." So at 2:30 in the morning I started to bow my back out so it wouldn't be sore in the morning for cooking Sommers breakfast, and as I was facing the other side of the bed when I bowed I dropped from the bed and crashed into the night stand. This woke Sommer up which made her very unhappy. Because of the noise and my fall, I had to spend the rest of the early morning (by Sommers orders) knitting little corner covers out of yarn to put on the corners of all things sharp.
posted by by Travis Luther, President @ 1:16 PM
1 Comments:
At 9:26 PM,
tdstephens3 said…
you have rights, too.
as it is evident that your services are in demand. you even seem to display some ability to learn - although you did fall off the bed, but those mistakes will happen as new protocols are implemented. time spent on technical training isnt what it used to be. you are even being assigned new responsibilities, as you are now in charge of the sharper corners around the house. in this scenario, i suggest taking the following approach - if you go out and buy a uniform (maybe you should get a few extra shirts, it is so embarrassing to show up to work with a bleach spot from the previous day) and then declare yourself an employee of the household....you can now go to your boss (sommer) and request to see a copy of your schedule for next week. make something up, "my relatives will be in town and i would love to go have breakfast with them one morning, you know my aunt hilda is loosing her eyesight so i want her to have the most current memory of me before she goes completely blind"...something like this. this should produce a situation where sommer (your boss) must respond - most likely with something like "oh, sure thing travis...let me finish up on this conference call and i will get right back to you." so, sommer - being the estute employer that she is (and compassionate companion, no doubt) will become concerned. never before have you requested a copy of your schedule, you just always show up to work...and your previous personal relationship does show record of mental dellusion. you see, she is faced with a first order dilemma and a third level paradox. this combination should have a positive outcome for you. (as was shown by Wright and Hardy in their famous 1973 paper on first order dilemmas and paradoxes, notably of the third level) she wont ever personally inquire into your seemingly random and evidently more frequent hallucinations and at the same time, as your boss, she will be forced (by the labor laws of the great state of colorado) to draw up a schedule for you. this should free up some valuable time of yours (it becomes impractical to pay too much overtime to such low level employees) and within this employer/employee relationship it is customary to be presented with annual reviews and possibilities for advancement, both very desirable in your current position. keep your shirt tucked in, print yourself a nametag - wiggle your tail when you walk, kid! your gonna be a star!
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